


Remembrance

by heartstarmagick



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cunnilingus, Death, Established Relationship, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Other, erwin smokes a butt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 14:08:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2153487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartstarmagick/pseuds/heartstarmagick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin and Hanji face coming home after Levi's wake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remembrance

**Author's Note:**

> For Erurihan Week on tumblr!

They made every excuse to delay going home from the wake. Erwin stopped for two different kinds of fast food because Hanji insisted on tacos while he was craving a hamburger.

The Taco Bell bag sat at Hanji's feet, untouched, as they slowly nibbled on Erwin's fries. Erwin said in a light tone of voice that since he was driving, he should wait until they got home to eat but really his stomach just felt like lead.

Hanji didn't blame him. They wouldn't be hungry either but they'd spent the last four days holed up in their office at their desk doing work until sleep overtook everything for a few hours. The scientist checked in on Erwin regularly, but they never thought to eat when they were in the house.

Erwin did his best to stay at least somewhat healthy in habit when it came to food. He, too, buried himself in work but only left the house when he had to. He'd framed the biggest picture of Levi he could find and set it on the nightstand, closing the door and only going into the bedroom to dress.

The blond couldn't take another night of chair sleeping though. His back had been aching all day and he was certain Hanji was hurting in every sense of the word.

At the next red light he glanced over to the scientist. He noticed they were on their phone and he rested his hand on their arm gently to get their attention. They jumped a little bit, looking at Erwin with glassy eyes. Erwin looked back to the road as he had to begin driving again, "Sorry," he said sheepishly, "I just wanted to know...do you...maybe want to get a hotel room tonight?"

Hanji's eyes widened and they almost felt paralyzed by the answer. They whispered no and shook their head, looking back to their phone and sobbed, "I-I need to see him. His smile. I need my laptop. I..."

"Say no more," Erwin said.

It took maybe fifteen minutes to get home. They pulled into the driveway, falling into silence. They took their things and headed inside the house, Erwin unlocking the door and closing it behind them both. Hanji turned on the living room light and set their things on the table, going right to the bedroom. Erwin followed after a moment of getting his own things set and his blazer off.

The blond went into the bedroom, seeing Hanji by the nightstand, holding the picture and looking at it. Erwin walked over to them, standing beside them and rubbing their back. "He looks so beautiful in this one. You did a really good job picking it out."

Erwin blushed ever so slightly, pulling Hanji a little closer and looking at the visage in front of them.

Beautiful, beautiful Levi. No single picture would ever do him complete justice, but this one was the best suited of all of them.

Hanji set the picture down and turned to Erwin, grabbing onto him and burying their face in the older man's chest. Erwin ran strong fingers through thick, long hair and held them close with his other arm. He led Hanji to the bed, sitting and pulling them into his lap. Arms were once again wrapped securely around the smaller, Erwin's eyes closing as Hanji tucked their head in the crook of his neck.

"If he were here," Hanji said softly, closing their eyes and pressing their body into Erwin's just to feel the contact. "I'd hold him and tell him what a good job he did today. He'd have been so uncomfortable but he would have done so well like always. I always wanted to hold him whenever we made him be social."

Erwin ran strong yet gentle fingers through thick brown hair. He didn't notice that he'd begun rocking until Hanji stopped speaking and silence became thick in the room. The older man's mind felt like it was in a fog and he could feel the calm demeanor he'd adopted at the wake fall apart at the seams. He couldn't calculate his words, so he didn't speak.

The scientist pulled back, running their hand through thinning blond locks. Erwin closed his eyes, opened his mouth to say something, and then felt his eyes well with tears and he shook his head. He looked down and Hanji placed a gentle hand on Erwin's freshly-shaved jaw. "He would have been so unbelievably proud of you. You did so good today too. _I'm_ so unbelievably proud of you."

Erwin blinked and let his tears fall despite himself, resting his head on Hanji's shoulder and letting them rub his back. "Hanji?"

"Yes, Erwin?"

Bushy eyebrows furrowed as gently as they could as he figured out how to best phrase what he needed to say, "This isn't going to change anything between us, is it?"

Hanji paused. "I think there's a lot of things we're going to need to get used to. We'll probably have to split the cleaning chores..."

"What I meant was, there _is_ still a 'we,' right?"

"Do you think I would leave because he's not here anymore?"

It was the first time in a very long time that Erwin felt himself actually blush a little bit. He avoided eye contact and shifted so Hanji could better look at him. When their eyes met, Erwin expected harshness or some sort of indication that feathers were ruffled because of his implications but he saw only sadness and warmth. "I got afraid," he started, glancing down and sighing softly, "That maybe I'm not enough."

"I want to lecture you on how silly you are. You are perfect and I love you. You're more than enough, Erwin. Honestly, I was worried about the same thing, though. You and Levi, you were always so inseparable. My heart burst whenever he gave me the time of day because I knew from day one he liked you a lot."

Erwin couldn't help a small snort at that, brushing the tears from his eyes, "I think you and I have very different versions of 'day one' but I'll take it I guess." He gave Hanji a squeeze, "Let's lay down. Let's get some rest. I think we both need it."

"Do you want me to sleep at my desk?"

"Please don't sleep at your desk. Sleep with me, here, right beside him like always." He nodded to the picture on the nightstand.

Hanji smiled and teared up a bit as they nodded. They got up and began taking their clothes off and Erwin followed suit. The blond crawled into bed when he was down to his boxers and took his place on the side with the nightstand opposite 'Levi.' Hanji smiled and just got naked, turning the lights off and curling up to Erwin's muscular form.

Erwin's hands ran along Hanji's waist and hips which drew the scientist closer. They looked at each other in the dim light of the moon, kissing once gently before it deepened a little more, then a bit more until Hanji was teasingly grinding their hips against Erwin's and Erwin was certainly not complaining.

They were both up for feeling more than gross denial and sadness, even if they had to do a bit of physical activity to get there.

The smaller of the duo shifted, as if they were going to hop on top of Erwin but the blond stopped them. "No, no, no," he murmured, kissing their cheek. "On your back please." Hanji smiled and complied, Erwin looking them over with warm eyes as they did.

Truthfully before Hanji, sex without a penis involved had always made Erwin really nervous. He remembered the first time the trio were intimate together--he could still hear Levi in one ear telling him he didn't have anything to worry about and Hanji praising him.

It hurt but it was nice to think about how far he'd come; how far they'd all come.

He smiled and knelt between Hanji's legs, kissing and suckling on their thighs as he worked his way up. Hanji's eyes had slipped closed and their legs were shaking in anticipation as Erwin reached their lips, giving teasing little kisses and nibbles on the sensitive skin. Deft fingers came up to gently probe Hanji's entrance, humming in approval at the feeling of the silky skin under his roughened fingertips.

After another affectionate little bite, Erwin's tongue brushed its way over to where Hanji ached for it the most, a loud moan coaxing away any leftover tension in the room as Erwin suckled on their clit. Hanji bucked their hips into his mouth, grinding against him and reaching to tangle their fingers in light blond hair.

"Erwin, ahhhh, that feels so good..."

Erwin always knew just how to get Hanji's blood boiling in the absolute best of ways. The older man was seemingly able to sense just where Hanji's body craved everything but regardless, Hanji's mind refused to stop wandering.

Levi had been such a prize. Hanji was trying to picture life without him, and then they were trying to think of nothing--nothing but Erwin's glorious mouth doing such a good job at being a distraction. It was only when they got to a perfect state of mind-emptiness that their orgasm hit them like a ton of bricks. Hanji arched their back and bucked their hips into Erwin's mouth, gripping onto his hair and riding it all out.

Erwin was happy to see them as unhinged as they were. The blond had been impressed all day by how well Hanji held their composure. They deserved this.

He pulled back when Hanji flopped back on the bed and their desperate gasps faded to relieved sighs. Erwin smiled warmly, laying beside them and taking them into his arms. "How're you feeling?"

"So good," Hanji panted, a very slight blush tinging their cheeks. It made Erwin smile and he tucked in, playing with the scientist's dark locks.

"You should try to get some sleep. We've had a long day."

Hanji always accepted Erwin to be of sound logic especially in times of crisis. They were having a difficult time keeping a handle on things like sleep and food so they knew that Erwin was probably right (plus listening to him was the first step in fixing their irregularities). So, Hanji nodded and curled up as close as they could to their lover. "Goodnight, Erwin."

"Goodnight, dearest."

***

Hanji woke up to a warm but empty bed, covers pulled back and bathrobe gone. They blinked and looked at unsuspecting Levi, blowing him a kiss and putting their glasses and their own robe on.

It didn't take long to find the man, smoking on the back porch in his bathrobe. Hanji opened the door peeking out, "Are you having alone time?"

Erwin hadn't even realized that Hanji had been standing there and put a hand to his heart as he puffed. A small smile turned his lips as he idly thought about the amount of times Hanji had probably said the same thing verbatim to Levi and it just provided another thread of Levi-immortality. Erwin was totally about that.

He shook his head. "No, but I'm almost done here."

Hanji came out anyway, "I didn't know you smoked."

"Filthy habit. I quit a long time ago but the past few days I just..." Erwin shrugged, "I've needed something and I don't really have any vices. Drinking's only fun when I can sleep in. I can't eat much candy without feeling ill."

Hanji nodded, "Yeah, I...I've been avoiding this place. I've missed you so much but I couldn't."

"Don't feel bad, Hanji. Please, everyone grieves differently and I'm certainly not one to talk about delving into work to avoid things, especially to avoid feeling certain things." Erwin put an arm around them, kissing their head.

"Do...you have any vices besides work, Hanji?"

They shrugged, "Not really. My vices were usually sharing in Levi's vices." Erwin gave a sympathetic snort, puffing one more time and putting his cigarette out. "Erwin? Do you think we're gonna be okay?"

"Yeah," Erwin said, nodding and taking Hanji into his arms, "He wouldn't want us moping for too long. He wouldn't want this to fuck up our lives. He'd be upset if it did."

It was reason enough for Hanji to nod and whisper about maybe going back to sleep. Erwin could feel a weight seemingly lifted off his shoulders and he agreed, leading his love back to their room.

He walked over to the picture, to Levi, smiling and turning it so it was facing outward--making more like he was standing guard than watching his two living lovers. He smiled warmly at the photograph, getting into bed and resting beside Hanji. "The bed feels so empty without him," they said softly.

"I know," Erwin replied. Idly he thought over his schedule for the following day and felt himself doze at the unending list of shit to do. He could feel Hanji starting to slip in and out of sleep too and relaxed, letting the seas of unconsciousness take him for just a little while.

 


End file.
